Archive | December 2016

the husband and i

the husband and I

i was JUST DONE with a crazy long Monday and was quite sure things would simmer down on Tuesday , where the brat would crib why school cannot be missed. and the husband would wake up hastily and leave the house and give me some peace. important things and meetings always happen on Monday, the dudhwala is always late on a Monday morning, and the superman maid is quite sleepy and slow. but not on a Tuesday, that day things start settling down. i woke up on time and started cooking. salad on Tuesday for the brat’s school tiffin. and mixed veg gujarati minus the sugar with lots of kitchen king and roti for the husband.
but this Tuesday seemed like a hangover from Monday… he started giving me sleepy looks and turned around such as to pose a crocodile yogasan giving me cues he won’t drop our son to the school today!. oh lord, not again. when will he realize the 3 year old that looks like him is actually his real son and he should be responsible towards him and his school schedule.

nevertheless i woke the brat up and asked him go to the washroom, wash his hands, wash his face , now say eeeew so that i can see your teeth and brush them well. now stand straight so that i can pull out the clothes. now don’t laugh while i scrub your armpits, now dried and now wear the underwear yourself. you can do that , right. no you don’t need me ! do it yourself as pinterest says !! now stand straight and look up while i comb your hair, now drink your milk while i strap your shoes. fast fast , no slowly, don’t choke yourself! husband is still on the bed looking at us from the corner of his eye. like he thinks i don’t know he is awake and still doing his famous crocodile asana. uff, I do my famous long and short jumps gathering things and dumping them in his yellow n blue bag while the kid is sipping milk like its scotch on the rocks, slowwwwwwlllyyy…
hey bhagwan, why did I marry Mr. PG?
Had he told me earlier he won’t help me with the kid’s stuff I would have… never mind, i love him still.

so i do my strides and marathon and the kid reaches school on time, i kiss him good bye and he waves me like the cutest ever chimpanzee !
when i come home my husband calls me cute names and says he needs a favor. i was in no mood to do all that cutie pie stuff in the morning, he senses it when i don’t respond to his smiles… so he told me directly: ‘ kunj, i need that long green stick type gift that is wrapped with a red shiny ribbon and that what is kept on office tables for prosperity thing types’
i stare at him and wanted to call him a pighead but i curbed my wishes and asked him instead to google and show me a picture so that i can understand what alien thing sits on a table for prosperity, i will literally cover my entire home with it if its true.
he could not find a green stick with red ribbon for prosperity online. even google got the joke. hi-fi !!
few minutes later he called from inside the bathroom and says its some chinese vastu shashtra and it comes in a glass bowl and it’s probably also a plant. i rolled my eyes and said ‘ are you looking for a bamboo shoot that stands straight in a glass bowl?’ ‘yes honey you are so smart, now go run and get me one from that nursery on the other side of the road’

‘are u crazy, at this hour ??’ i asked… ‘yup, please baby. i want to gift it to a client today. he is very important…’ when he saw i wasn’t responding to his baby names, he added ‘… i am planning a europe trip next summer for the three of us. ‘

bugger, here he does it again.

ten minutes later i am at the nursery in my track pants and a silly tied up high bun on the head asking for the feng shui bamboo plant which the still sleepy care taker didn’t have. went to a posh gift shop next door and asked if he has one too. they had dreamcatchers and laughing buddha statues so i called the brat’s dad and asked if a dreamcatcher is okay to be gifted to the client. my husband thinks dreamcatchers are for girls, yes, like bamboo has a ‘i am for men’ label… oh lord, had i known this before i would have married… never mind, i still love him.
when i reached home, PG was dressed in his best white shirt and proclaimed he is the best looking dude in his office. of course, i smiled. i still loved this disorganized man i thought while i poured myself a chai and sat with my smart phone to finish the online cafe store orders for the day. yes, i cook some exotic dishes there, some i can’t even pronounce. while i was on the verge of earning 325 dollars for a tea with tapioca and cardamom and fee diamonds for the hospitality from a strange looking aged man my dream game was interrupted with a call from PG.

‘go find the bamboo plant in a glass bowl and drive to my office immediately. see you. love you. bye.’

fifteen minutes later i saw the pending work in the kitchen and cursed the aged man and 325 dollars tea while i closed the main door shut and slipped into the driving seat, reached the nearest flower shop and purchased the greenest looking bamboo plant with red ribbon around and green soft shoots placed in a glass bowl and colorful pebbles. paid and got it tied in a transparent sheet. few songs on radio and i was in my best mood ever, now i only wished to have a starbucks in hand and a sports car. i did find a plant and i was so super proud to have reached his office in straight 30 mins after he called. like a pizza delivery on time. or the maid who comes home after a 30 day holiday ! hahahahaha
i was in my best maxi dress, wavy hair and black slim glares. he saw my car, he saw the plant in my hand, he said ‘perfect’ , turned around and left. what the …. bleep bleep bleep!
he called me later and i complained, he said ‘… sorry babes, was in a hurry. but have you ever looked bad? you are the best looking wife…’
‘you ever had? ‘ i asked.
we laughed and he thanked me for being so helpful. ‘ i am your jeevan sangini after all. ‘, i smiled and said.
if only i knew this guy would make me run on a weekday like its the last day of the financial year for things that he should have planned the day before and like its not even my duty to make sure his client gets gifts … i would have married… him! just him.

summer , winter, rain or fall
you are the one i always call.
happy 5th anniversary hubby !


mommy x demonetization

9th of dec today, one month since the new currency launch and the same for disposal of old currency cavity.
so how has it affected the normal womenfolk in general ??
lemme tell you how i managed the entire situation for a month.
a normal indian woman keeps cash in all her purses and hand bags. small change and maybe a few notes of high currency for emergencies in a tiny corner of a locked cupboard. i do the same too. i have about 3 handbags that i keep on changing once in a while; color coding with the outfits you see! and i have a habit of keeping change and small cash in a wallet where as high currency emergency cash are usually kept in an envelope in the deepest zipper pockets of the bag. my emergency cash spend is always in fancy stores and malls or maybe a toy my son demanded that is exceeding the amount of what my small cash wallet of about 600-700 rupees carries.

initially the atm as well as banks had a queue that like a centipede was long and too many legs to count. mine would definitely be tired and i knew my 3 year old super-active brat would be bored and cranky as well… so i waited about 25 days and spend whatever high currency notes i had of 500 and 1000 to pay off bills such as credit card payment (which did not have a queue ), i, for a change paid off all other bills such as mobile postpaid connections and local grocery vendors and even got my car tank full. that left me with very few notes that i deposited in the first week of December; there was no queue that day because most of the people had already killed their time playing mobile games or giving their average and over intelligent views about the change Modiji initiated waiting in the same line when demonetization was first announced in November.

once i paid all my bills via old notes i counted the small change i had. counting from 10rupee coins and 100 rupee notes i had about 700rs. with me, which i kept strictly to be paid to vegetable and fruit vendors
and instead of going to my usual grocer i went to reliance fresh & star india bazaar to do all my grocery shopping including bread and biscuits. because they accepted cards. major payments happened with cards including paying for the anniversary gift and dinner and even buying my son a useless playdoh tub that he played for a day and i now use it to dab it over ant holes. so basically nothing changed the way i spend for my monthly expenses except the places where i spend them. reliance fresh gifted me an extra 1kg sugar and star bazaar gave me points into my card that i can redeem in next purchase. my idfc card gave me cash back for spending on an expensive anniversary dinner and gift. so i was actually gaining from this as well.

moving on to the first week of December i went to the bank and stood in a queue for cash withdrawal. remember i paid the credit card and mobile connection bills?? well, once my husband’s salary was credited he transferred the amount into my account and i withdrew all i needed to pay the maid and watchman (small salaried people who do not have a change for 2000). and trust me i was back home in just 30 mins. how ? i knew the bank branch i usually go to has a 2pm-2:30pm lunch break so i left from home at a time that would make me reach the bank at 2:35pm and that is when the computers are re-started and the process begins. those who have literally no sense of time management came in the mornings when the bank has a lot of footfall and they have to wait for their turn and waste a few hours doing nothing, i know some people even curse the bank staff for being so slow and others for breaking the line they are waiting on since morning.
right after lunch break there are hardly a few people standing there, 5 in my case… people started flowing in around 3pm and that was when i was leaving with my cash nicely sealed in my usual blue envelope tucked deep in my handbag. i asked my son to carry his mini jcb and he played around the water fountain while i stood 4th in the line and handed over the self cheque.

right from the time i started using a smart phone i have been using mobile banking apps and since my first job in 2006 i am habituated to scratching my debit and credit cards for bigger purchases which means i never needed to keep a lot of cash and worry about it. i have always paid my jeweler with a card as well and the bank i have account in has a small branch on the way to my son’s school so often i deposit whatever little cash i save or earn every fortnight while on our return to home. i have been doing it since a few years and all my cash was deposited , except the few emergency notes i had at home, before 8th november announcement that made everyone go crazy! this is why demonetization hasn’t affected my daily routine at all !
i have always seen my mom do the same too. maybe this habit of depositing whatever savings i do on a weekly or monthly basis that saved me from standing in long bank queues, listening to curses on the management and government and time.

if you as a woman are still in a troubled phase of how to get things done until 31st dec; here are a few tips:

1. go to the bank right after lunch break, very few people standing there and you can avail the cash faster.

2. ask your husband or friend to teach you how to use mobile banking apps. it’s easy and you can also link it to the joint account you share with your partner so you need not worry incase your balance goes to nil.

3. for mommies with little kids take a toy or two along with them, i am sure if the bank staff is good they won’t mind your kid playing instead of screaming’ i want to go home’

4. if the staff is not so cordial to your kid and you, change the bank !!!

5. ask your bank to send personal banking managers to your home for helping you with transactions in case you cannot go all the way to the bank. idfc has one such facility and i am one super glad mommy to have an account with them.

6. go spend some money in malls and super grocery stores and buy a month’s grocery and needs in bulk that would be more than happy to even provide you free home delivery if you don’t have a car.

7. use the small cash to pay off people who won’t be able to give you large change. also do not forget to use the same for toy train rides and flashy car bumper rides.

come-on your kid doesn’t even know how to spell demonetization !!! he/she should never be at a loss !

8. stop reading about how difficult it is for people to do all work due to this money changing into pink in newspapers! instead see who spend on a 50kg cake on his 50th glamorous birthday!

9. empty all your wallets and handbags and those return gift envelopes from aunts and uncles at weddings.

10. raid your son’s piggy bank for small change. no, not your daughter’s … #girlchildrights

i think everyone has benefitted from the change.
-people did extra shopping to use off old notes. there was sudden cash flowing in the market and shop-owners were happier than ever. diwali was back in a month!
–some elderly n womenfolk started thinking about owning a bank account.
—lots of technical awareness among women folk who owned a smart phone but never used it for banking and payment apps but stupid social apps only.
—-people started using creativity to create funny memes and showcasing it all over the internet! the pink panther notes became a star overnight.