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a woman says

its my birthday next month !!
husband is planning for a huge surprise… cant wait to celebrate.
how wonderful it is to celebrate your 29th birthday , one last year before you turn into a middle aged aunty of the colony.
that 29th birthday with your two year old and a husband who you love a lot spend on a lovely dinner at a posh restaurant that serves a 7 course meal in your favorite cuisine! whoppee… exciting??!! ain’t it ?

maybe…
maybe not…

because when you post pictures of the non alcoholic sparkling pink mocktail , the diamond earrings, the over-sized kaftan you wear to hide your belly tyre, the main course with lots of cheese, the cute chocolaty smile of your kid, and of course a random picture of the trio trying to fit into a single screen, squeezing and smiling celebrating pictures; somewhere you see your other single friends who recently posted their pics on the same social media website too.. its on your wall and screen and you scroll through them. pictures of your school friend, college classmate, someone you know from your previous work station who color their hair brown or streaks of blonde, wear huge aviators over the sleek bony jaw line and red red stained pout. wearing the shortest skirt available and pose against exotic scenes of Italy and America with her girlies or long time boyfriend with a perfect curve of her body that shall invite a 100 likes in less than 10 minutes while you are in your large lose pyjamas (since you are 12 kgs plus your size since college days )with a tub of ice cream or relishing the bar of chocolate your kid left unfinished.

CONCLUSION: YOU go enroll yourself to a gym next day and vouch no more ice cream nights. does this change anything about you? keeping yourself an arm length distance from your favorite comfort food… does that help? whining about why you have a kid while other friends are having fun… does it help? looking at her pictures and trying to think of excuses why you don’t look so good like her… does it help?

no!
no!
umm… no!

this is my story, this is what i feel right now. today and everyday! but its not just me who is unhappy about her 28th year.
i know a lot of troubled moms who have gone through lots of body changes, two or three kids and a great change in lifestyle.
i know women who have struggled to decide between kids and career. i know women who have ditched work to be with kids.
i knew women who have not shopped anything short and sexy because she thinks a mom should not be wearing this, she should dress up according to her role as a mom.
i know women who cared not which movie just released and which new restaurant serves her favorite pasta flavor, because the baby needs home cooked food.

life certainly has changed, and you have new roles to perform.
a woman says a lot of things that she wants to do but cannot after a baby if you listen to her.
a woman says she needs to get back her old body image, her old self , her old skin and hair.

reversal of time is impossible.

yes sweetie

yes sweetie

all you can do is look around and live in what is with you at the moment.
dear woman,
did you realize the sound of your kid chuckling is more pleasant than Niagara falls?
rewards like hugs and kisses are more soul-refreshing than holidays in short skirts?!
holding your baby’s tiny fingers or feeling your husband’s hand around you at night can be more securing than a voyage with other single ladies!

comment below and let me know why motherhood is more rewarding regardless your age and body image.
pour your feelings to your heart’s content.

LADY MILLION

LADY MILLION

THE BEST ENTRY CAN WIN THIS LADY MILLION CHAIN N PENDANT FROM PACO RABANNE for being honest and being the true self that you are.

love ,
kunj ๐Ÿ™‚

year 2015- lets make changes

What happens when a new mom makes resolutions on Jan 1, 2014 and never stick to them ?
She grins while patting her kid to sleep and blames the motherhood and new challenges it throws on her for not being able to keep up with those promises she made for herself.

i made many of them and washed them down the drain with those shiny bottle wash bubbles that smells oh so awesome!
yes, motherhood captivated me and it took me a year to realize that i was losing myself in trying to build a mother in me that was supposed to flow out all natural,

awomansays

i became a carbivore and heaped my meal plates with carbs and calories i never needed and gave excuses about the b.feed that needed more nutrition for the kid… i seldom did any exercise because i used to be tired from all those sleepless nights during the day… i needed a calorie filled pancake or sundae every sunday because i could not leave my pregnancy cravings behind me… and even on days when i had had a lot many nappy changes and potty cleaning that became stressful. all these things i call mistakes are hard to accept because whenever i came face to face with them in the mirror i could see myself losing. it took me time to get my head on my shoulder and get serious about looking after my health too,
this consciousness hit me when i heard about my husband’s friend who passed away when her second child was just 4 months old, she was not at all health conscious and all the fat accumulated in her body resulted in a cardiac arrest. it happened so suddenly and left everyone in shock. my husband told me how all those calories she had piled up and didnt bother to lose after the delivery costed her and her family so much. this was an awakening incident. all i could think at that time was what would happen to her children and of the 4 month old ???

i have had all my excuses to gain weight when my 2014 resolution was to lose it, i have made excuses and stayed inside those flowy black outfits to hide my curves and bulges, my belly and arms that made me look like an auntie. i connected with my kid only as a mother and thought thats what i should be concentrating on. thank god that year is over and gone and nothing bad has ever happened to anyone of us.

this year i plan to exercise more, stick to a 2 hour a day gym routine, home school my kid and show him i am more than just a mom who can clean and feed him, i will spend heavily on lots of new outfits and none should be black, i plan to cut down on carbs and do some healthy eating… pizzas can wait, the world will never run out of them ever!

BLACK AND FAT

BLACK AND FAT

This year i will try and avoid what my weight is on the weighing scale and rather focus on the weight i have on this earth, the weight of the impact i have on my kid’s life and others important to me. i may never fit into those college jeans ever. i will never have those super firm breasts i once had, i may not be able to slid into a swimming suit that can carefully hide my stretch marks and not let a soul know about it, but the weight that my personality carries in my son’s life will be reflected in his entire life and i do not wish to mess up with that. i have often observed how good an observer my son is. he knows his manners when none of them are taught to him, he just simply observes us and copies it and makes it his habit. i am now more careful about my actions on a day to day basis, i am now more choosy about my words and what i talk to him. i want him to teach things no school will ever teach him- that no resolution is worth making if it doesnt make your soul merrier and healthier.
i want him to learn that he will be responsible for all his actions- kind or tempered and if mumma does it, she will get the same as a return gift from God.

everyone gets the same of what they give to this world.

happy and relaxed

happy and relaxed

and most importantly i am gonna quit comparing my son with other kids his age from this very momemt itself. I do not want anyone to teach me how to be a better mom, my child will lead to be one. I have to trust my maternal instincts.

this year i am gonna make the best OF THE WOMAN I AM.

WHAT ARE YOUR RESOLUTIONS?
PLEASE WRITE TO ME ON INFO@AWOMANSAYS.COM
OR
JOIN US ON FACEBOOK AT WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/AWOMANSAYS

love,
Kunj <3

double trouble

I see this handsome tall fellow driving a swanky new car and I go ‘wow’ .. then I see his mother sitting next to him and I go shit…. I realize a second later I too have a MIL and I am booked and I go double oh shit man!

there are always better opportunities I get when I have just started a new job… there are always some really good men I come across after I get married too, and at times they are married too. hahaha of course there is no harm in searching for anything that’s perfect. I look at those men and wonder if he is perfect or the one I have at home is the perfect-est one? There is always this quench for perfection and it is during this search that we fall into double trouble most of the times. More often I meet a few parents at social functions and get-togethers who I talk to and feel very mediocre, there are always things they have in them that makes them better parents compared to me whenever we have a quick chat about potty training and new words learned by our kids or simply just what new activities to involve the kids in if they aren’t enrolled in that expensive pre-school school groups.

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Being a mother you will never be happy with all you have and yet be happy with all you have

This search for perfection and wishing for more than what you are in your life leads to all sorts of double trouble moments. These moments are rare to happen but when they happen with me, I really want to run away to some corner of the world and imagine all this has never happened like it happens in those movies… alas! i have no money enough to travel the world for free.. my son and I are slaves to luxury for which his father works hard enough… ouch!
I dread days when there is pee on the new carpet … when clothes I just washed need to be washed again because he pulled them out from the dryer and dragged them all over the floor or used as a cape to win a deadly fight against an imaginary jungle animal that had blown into our home with the wind and only the 2 feet 10 teeth man in my house can see it. so much and yet so innocent!

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At times I feel life should be like the one Carrie Bradshaw has, who needs a few cosmos and three pretty friends to live life the prettier way.

But again Carrie is only someone’s beautiful imagination and my troubles are not!

I began working on some public speaking lectures I took for a class of 150 over three consecutive days at a teacher training college… for the very first time eight hours away from the madness was feeling so good. it felt like I was a mini vacation. I played some Obama and PMOI-Modi videos rather than old macdonald or incy vincy spider… I talked about great speeches and body language instead of oogly woogly aeroplane that bumps into the tummy and up it goes into the mouth,.. whooshhh!!!!

yes, I do all of that crazy stuff in real, in public! because I am a mom!

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double trouble begins when you come home all tired… his new white tee becomes yellow after the first wash after you feed him some turmeric coriander sauteed rice after he puked out his milk and ruined your brand new shirt you wore to the workplace or for an evening out with friends who think you dress up like a boring mom. haaaa!! and they call you boring!! no one knows what it feels like to ruin you new clothes even before its been even worn properly.

double trouble is not missing my firm milk bags before they even became milk bags.. now they just hang in there like a bunch of old grannies no matter whatever I wear to keep them upright and tight… double trouble is when right after I write this I know the next time you meet me you are going to give me atleast two extra glances or stare at them to see if it really is how I just described the sacred lactating twins.

Motherhood is fascinating… and I enjoy all its potential because I value them.

please share your motherhood double troubles…
join our facebook page… www.facebook.com/awomansays

love,
Kunj

Long Live the Gujju Thali

Love for food when you are pregnant stays on forever even after you deliver the baby until and unless you are those moms who want to look like Kim Kardashian at her wedding. of course all those cravings go away but you become a food junkie, not because you want to eat all that but also because you are always trying to cook something new and interesting and at the same time healthy for your kid… yes, most of us Indian moms do cook our kid’s food at home with our hands… a few are super broad minded to let the cook’s sweat drip into the food while they prepare and the mom watches tv or signs documents at work place.

i say this out of observation in real life… cannot name her but this new friend i recently made and that too we became friends because we incidentally met and our kids are of the same age was constantly complaining of how she goes to an 8 hour work shift which she cannot leave and behind her back her m-i-l makes no effort to cook good food for the kid… i dont know who to feel sad for, the mother or the child. both of them are losing out on the wonderful meal time that should enjoy while they can. once the kids grow up they eat on their own and once they become adults meals are never at home except some occasions and festivals. why cannot a mother be there just thrice a day for the kid?? is it demanding too much from your professional life? i fail to understand such mothers even when she is a great friend of mine and a wonderful person at heart.

so then i made a food chart and a meal time table for her kid; asking her to put it on the fridge or wherever its easy on the eyes and constant hit on the mind. it included milk-veggies-dairy-fruits and grains.
now, preparing the food is not a big deal.. a complete gujarati thali/meal plate is just the right thing for your kid if he/she has begun eating solids. it has wheat rotis, boiled rice, cooked veggies and necessary spices, protein in form of dal and dairy products such as curd or buttermilk. the right amount of salt and sugar and pepper and lemon and chilli and coriander and turmeric… wow! serving the perfect amount of all of this in the meal plate makes it the most complete food for your growing toddler’s needs.

incase your kid needs some help wiping off all this from the plate, you can decorate the food and add some color to it, beet gives red, turmeric gives yellow, lemon gives whiteness, dry coriander gives brown, curd and beet beaten together gives pink! broccoli and fresh coriander gives green.

sharing pics of a few meal plates i have given my son and REMEMBERED to click a pic before i feed him.

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ofcourse with all this food in front of him i have to sit with a bib and a waste cloth and face wipes and lots of patience… at times all this vanishes in the hungry tummy in about 15 minutes. yet i have seen some random moments when the food is tucked under the chair and over the floor and after 30 minutes i thank the Lord for blessing me with only one child and i thank the scientists for technology and smart phones with memory so huge to store and play over a dozen nursery rhyme videos. we talk and play and shout and blabber and i call him cute encouraging names to finish his food. i am cherishing every meal time with him, it gives us both the time to look into each other’s eyes and talk. It gives me moments where i realize what his favorite food is and which are his all time favorite food combinations too. God has simply made a favor to me, my son loves his meals. and i love watching him eat it all and give a burp at last. we sing songs to make his meals interesting at times… what do u do with your kid???

please do share your meal plate pictures with me on my facebook page.. i am running outta options soon. www.facebook.com/awomansays

love ya all
Kunj
instagram- awomansays

40 days of confinement

childbirth is like shitting a pumpkin…

confinement

been there done that !
and shitting a 3 kg pumpkin means lots of hard word and after that hard works comes all the rewards- watching him sleep in my arms, his small little pink hands and for me??
—-The confinement begins!!!
The spice of life has anyways vanished just 3 days after childbirth… With all the potty, cranky cries, sleepless nights, innumerable pee-s and trying to fit into old clothes which is still not happening even after the baby is out!!
Lots of it happening but this all slowly seeps into your daily life… What doesn’t is the fact that you cannot drink and eat normal food and water for 40 more days.
The confinement period!
40 days of staying at home, and recovering from the muscle straining, tiring, emotional and painful delivery process…
Whether vaginal or c-sec stitches are inevitable and it takes a woman some time to recover from the pain. It may be 10 or 15 days- depends on how well the mother is coping with it.
At 40 days today, I have wrapped up to get out in the real world to breath some outside air.
One isn’t even allowed to go out unless a check up with the gynec is scheduled within these days. I had mine scheduled once but My doc’s clinic was just a 5min drive which means I hardly had a good view of the city…
Anyways, that doesn’t matter much.
Check this link for a better idea of how to deal with confinement period, also it may answer dozens of your questions in terms of food, travel, b-feeding, exercising, and dealing with the new life as a momma (in case this is your first time like mine).
What is more important is how you deal with it.
and how others around you make you feel about it… this is no prison term that you arent allowed to move out of your room…
this is also not house arrest where you arent allowed to sneak out for a short drive as a relaxation chime with you hubby once in a while… motherhood can be exhausting and these 40 days are for you to feel better about your new baby , your new body, your new life and specially to give you time to adjust with the whole new phase of life…
its not easy for every woman to behave normal and have just the right start with everything after the baby is born.. some may have trouble adjusting with sleep, some with b-feeding, some with the new routine, some having trouble attending guests and baby at the same time!! these 40 days help you get back to the same energy and also teaches you how to accommodate theย  me-time and baby-time in a single day.

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we indians are very lucky we have this ‘go to mom’s home for delivery’ ritual… there is no bigger help than a mother! she has been one half of her life and is always your biggest emotional and physical support… of course your husband is always there but an experienced mother is always the best thing to have next to you. to teach you and guide you and help you at the weakest hours!
i have had a great time learning things from my mother.. she would teach me things and then pour in anecdotes of my childhood and i would smile even when i am struggling while learning.
and she cooks all the right food for me- brinjal, gourds, bajri, milk products, lentils… all stuff that is easily digestible… that my son can digest well too… u know, at the end my milk produce is all what i eat. anything that is gaseous is also not good… anything that is chilled is not good… anything with lots of cocoa in it is not good too..
that are too many things to take care of…

my suggestions-
eat lots of food… like i said here.
eat lots of fruit
rest well … as much as you can!
eat a lot of coconut
have lots of milk and milk products..
have protein powder (mamma and baby kinds)
and feel happy… yes! thats the main thing.. feel happy…

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cheers!
kunj ๐Ÿ™‚