the husband and i

the husband and I

i was JUST DONE with a crazy long Monday and was quite sure things would simmer down on Tuesday , where the brat would crib why school cannot be missed. and the husband would wake up hastily and leave the house and give me some peace. important things and meetings always happen on Monday, the dudhwala is always late on a Monday morning, and the superman maid is quite sleepy and slow. but not on a Tuesday, that day things start settling down. i woke up on time and started cooking. salad on Tuesday for the brat’s school tiffin. and mixed veg gujarati minus the sugar with lots of kitchen king and roti for the husband.
but this Tuesday seemed like a hangover from Monday… he started giving me sleepy looks and turned around such as to pose a crocodile yogasan giving me cues he won’t drop our son to the school today!. oh lord, not again. when will he realize the 3 year old that looks like him is actually his real son and he should be responsible towards him and his school schedule.

nevertheless i woke the brat up and asked him go to the washroom, wash his hands, wash his face , now say eeeew so that i can see your teeth and brush them well. now stand straight so that i can pull out the clothes. now don’t laugh while i scrub your armpits, now dried and now wear the underwear yourself. you can do that , right. no you don’t need me ! do it yourself as pinterest says !! now stand straight and look up while i comb your hair, now drink your milk while i strap your shoes. fast fast , no slowly, don’t choke yourself! husband is still on the bed looking at us from the corner of his eye. like he thinks i don’t know he is awake and still doing his famous crocodile asana. uff, I do my famous long and short jumps gathering things and dumping them in his yellow n blue bag while the kid is sipping milk like its scotch on the rocks, slowwwwwwlllyyy…
hey bhagwan, why did I marry Mr. PG?
Had he told me earlier he won’t help me with the kid’s stuff I would have… never mind, i love him still.

so i do my strides and marathon and the kid reaches school on time, i kiss him good bye and he waves me like the cutest ever chimpanzee !
when i come home my husband calls me cute names and says he needs a favor. i was in no mood to do all that cutie pie stuff in the morning, he senses it when i don’t respond to his smiles… so he told me directly: ‘ kunj, i need that long green stick type gift that is wrapped with a red shiny ribbon and that what is kept on office tables for prosperity thing types’
i stare at him and wanted to call him a pighead but i curbed my wishes and asked him instead to google and show me a picture so that i can understand what alien thing sits on a table for prosperity, i will literally cover my entire home with it if its true.
he could not find a green stick with red ribbon for prosperity online. even google got the joke. hi-fi !!
few minutes later he called from inside the bathroom and says its some chinese vastu shashtra and it comes in a glass bowl and it’s probably also a plant. i rolled my eyes and said ‘ are you looking for a bamboo shoot that stands straight in a glass bowl?’ ‘yes honey you are so smart, now go run and get me one from that nursery on the other side of the road’

‘are u crazy, at this hour ??’ i asked… ‘yup, please baby. i want to gift it to a client today. he is very important…’ when he saw i wasn’t responding to his baby names, he added ‘… i am planning a europe trip next summer for the three of us. ‘

bugger, here he does it again.

ten minutes later i am at the nursery in my track pants and a silly tied up high bun on the head asking for the feng shui bamboo plant which the still sleepy care taker didn’t have. went to a posh gift shop next door and asked if he has one too. they had dreamcatchers and laughing buddha statues so i called the brat’s dad and asked if a dreamcatcher is okay to be gifted to the client. my husband thinks dreamcatchers are for girls, yes, like bamboo has a ‘i am for men’ label… oh lord, had i known this before i would have married… never mind, i still love him.
when i reached home, PG was dressed in his best white shirt and proclaimed he is the best looking dude in his office. of course, i smiled. i still loved this disorganized man i thought while i poured myself a chai and sat with my smart phone to finish the online cafe store orders for the day. yes, i cook some exotic dishes there, some i can’t even pronounce. while i was on the verge of earning 325 dollars for a tea with tapioca and cardamom and fee diamonds for the hospitality from a strange looking aged man my dream game was interrupted with a call from PG.

‘go find the bamboo plant in a glass bowl and drive to my office immediately. see you. love you. bye.’

fifteen minutes later i saw the pending work in the kitchen and cursed the aged man and 325 dollars tea while i closed the main door shut and slipped into the driving seat, reached the nearest flower shop and purchased the greenest looking bamboo plant with red ribbon around and green soft shoots placed in a glass bowl and colorful pebbles. paid and got it tied in a transparent sheet. few songs on radio and i was in my best mood ever, now i only wished to have a starbucks in hand and a sports car. i did find a plant and i was so super proud to have reached his office in straight 30 mins after he called. like a pizza delivery on time. or the maid who comes home after a 30 day holiday ! hahahahaha
i was in my best maxi dress, wavy hair and black slim glares. he saw my car, he saw the plant in my hand, he said ‘perfect’ , turned around and left. what the …. bleep bleep bleep!
he called me later and i complained, he said ‘… sorry babes, was in a hurry. but have you ever looked bad? you are the best looking wife…’
‘you ever had? ‘ i asked.
we laughed and he thanked me for being so helpful. ‘ i am your jeevan sangini after all. ‘, i smiled and said.
if only i knew this guy would make me run on a weekday like its the last day of the financial year for things that he should have planned the day before and like its not even my duty to make sure his client gets gifts … i would have married… him! just him.

summer , winter, rain or fall
you are the one i always call.
happy 5th anniversary hubby !