letter to my son

hey there little fella,

you have turned one year old ehh… wow! u grew up faster than i ever thought. these 365 days have been the best days of my life. the day i knew i was pregnant i was in tears n i knew this was the best day of my life.. then the day you kicked me first inside the womb i felt this was the best day ever… when i saw your face and movements in the 4D sonography i felt there can be nothing more beautiful than to see you before you were born, best day ever! and then when i actually held you next to me with your pinky little fingers trying to hold mine… i knew there can be nothing more beautiful than this moment! trust me my son if i had to go through all the 9 months of weight gain and those 26 hours of labor pain and braxton hicks that resulted in panicky calls to your dad i would still do it all just to see you again for the very first time; to feel you again for the very first time; to nurse you again for the very first time!


time and again i come across various moments that makes wonderful memories and again and again i feel there can be no other day as beautiful as this… the day you called me mumma, the day you stood up on your own, the day u fed me with your hands, the day u slept peacefully while nursing, the day you smiled at me for the first time, the day you kissed me for the first time… there are just so many!! i dont know if you will remember all these moments we have shared but these are the memories i will live with when you will grow up and be on your own.

i cannot resist to think that there may be one little girl about to be born or born to some lovely lady already who will demand all your attention and love 20 years from now.. until then i have 365*20 days to be with you and i will make sure i live to love each day the same i have all through your first year. and yet i promise i shall never complain to you about how little time u spend with me when you grow up because you have given me the best 20 years of your life. best 20 years when you loved me despite of my pregnancy marks and disfigured body.
best 20 years when you ate with me every single day and hugged me good night.
best 20 years when you will share your peer problems and tell me funny stories of your classmates.
best 20 years when i will sculpture you to be a man and SHE will love the man i created.
maybe there is more to come and i am ready to be your best friend and explore your world with you.
life has changed completely after you were born but i do not wish to complain because you taught me to be a mother and what other joy in the world is better than to be a mom? every girl is born a daughter or born as someone’s sister.. so those are easy to go with tags and characters but every mother is different from another mother… and no lady every is born as a mother. some may conceive, some may not. some may give away the baby, some may hire some help, someone does it for money, someone does it in lack of knowledge, someone has it at 15, someone has it at 35… every mother is a different woman and every woman is not a mother too!!!

i am glad you chose me and i am extremely lucky to have had this privilege of giving birth to you my son.

its been more than a year now that i havent had a full night of sleep and i am ok with that. the pleasure i get when u nurse is something i will miss when you grow up. so thank you for accepting me and my feeds. it makes me happy to do so.
my life was certainly flooded with paperwork and corporate lifestyle which i miss today and i wish to go back there again when you are ready to play on your own and be proud of what your mother is doing. untill then and even after that i will always be your mother. i will always cook you your favorite meal and i will stay awake till you sleep, i will nurse you till you want and play with you till u wish. there will never be a NEVER in our relationship.

as i end this letter i want you to know i will not be surprised if you blow a kiss to someone in public because i taught you a flying kiss when you turned one… similarly i will not be taken aback if someday you take care of your younger siblings and make food for your old parents because this is what we are going to teach you… to be compassionate and loving to those who need it the most. if some day you leave me and take your own route of life and i say a few harsh words to you; please read this letter again and forgive me because i love you the most and those words/actions may be just a temporary phase of my age-ing hormones.. i love you my son no matter what you decide to be in your life, no matter what you decide to do in your life. all i ask for is some space in your heart and lots of love in your eyes.



always your loving mother,

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