love | A woman says

I met him first on 6th March, I am sure he won’t have remembered the date until he reads this post. It’s been some 4 years since we are together and we already have a son turning 2 soon… that means we had a little more than 2 years to enjoy our relationship and being together before parenthood dipped us in pee/potty/tears/sleeplessness disorder.
not that I demand more but I like every couple who are still enjoying the non-parents phase or are parents but so deep in love they don’t stop woo-ING each other. I love the word LOVE itself. I love the idea of going on dates, surprising each other, romantic beach walks, going on second honeymoon etc… basically I love everything that all those silly Bollywood romantic flicks show. I love watching all those stupid english romantic movies for the same reason. maybe that’s the reason they are called chick-flicks. this chick digs all that cuteness and more.

sadly my husband Mr.P is no where in the vicinity of the aura of the word romance.

he plucked these for me once; a treasure i ate it all!

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these are small things that matter, getting what you wish for. but its not too easy for other filmy things:

i have to say ‘i love you’ to him twice before he replies a ‘me too’ ; he needs to get drunk to buy a birthday card for me, something I wish happened everyday sans the alcohol but it never happens. he is everything that I had NEVER dreamt of.
ya, its saddening and heart breaking. we have no selfies together, he hates being photographed. he hates taking pictures so i have no pics of myself against beautiful backdrops. if he is forced to take a picture they would turn out so bad that i have to delete them forever, even from the drop box! and i am not just exaggerating my lovely friend, this is exactly how he is. we haven’t celebrated a valentine day. Maybe he would have taken me on a dinner once. nothing so special that i remember of. nothing happened this year too.

together.. forever

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Every year on my anniversary I think of reasons why i chose him.
and this is why i still love the father of my only child…

we need no valentine day celebration because everytime i ask for, he takes me all way to the highway to my favorite coffee shop after dinner for that hot cup of expresso. the only place in the entire town i love coffee. he knows that’s the only place i will have a coffee, whether tired or not we always go that only place!

we need no romantic date nights because he often accompanies me those super flop movies and sits through the end just because i wanted to go watch it. even after 4 years our choices of movies are different. i let him go with his guy friends for movies of his choice and he sits through a 2hour film when I want to watch one. He never says it but I know he could have said no and I could have gone with my girlfriends but this way he gets to be with me for 2 hours and just hold my hand because in our daily lives we both have busy schedules.

we need no valentine days because we are too perfect for each other and we dont need any special day to tell each other how we feel,

on our first v-day together

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on days when our son is unwell and i am worried and sleepless and tired and everything is going wrong as a mother, he holds my hand and strokes my hair. and i know he wants to say everything will be alright, we are in this together, worry not. these are gestures unsaid. gestures that remind me of who i am married to is one of the most perfect person ever. sometimes you need no words or date nights or gifts to express what you feel. and after all these years i prefer it this way. in silence- said through his eyes!
ti need no one to sing me songs,… although i really want him to do it one day!
i need no one to bring me fancy gifts, his debit card is enough… hehaheehee
i need no one to write me letters and bring me flowers, my home is already a mess, where will i store them !!! do u have a 2 year old too??? yes, u know what i am saying then. no matter how big a house; a kid leaves no space undiscovered!

here’s to 4 years of togetherness and 4*365 days of valentines 🙂

what i have learned from my son this year…

his first trip to OSHO Ashram

D is turning two soon and i have seen him much more mature than a 2 year old should be like. well, all moms want to believe her kid is a unique one and i am no different.
He has taught me to forgive, forget and move on. he has been pushed and pulled and pricked and teased by kids his age and even their moms… what i see is, he plays with the same kids a few days later. this really surprises me about him. he has been taunted and even scolded by mothers of other kids for being a menace he is (and trust me, i am so proud of his naughtiness.. aren’t boys supposed to naughty nosy aunty??) yet he talks and smiles at those moms and aunties like they only mean good for him.

feeding the squirrels

if i say for myself or on your behalf too- we have been misunderstood, misinterpreted, scolded, mocked at, pushed , pulled, tricked, pinched… a lot of this happens with the kids too and still they behave like the world is too beautiful a place to keep all these things in mind and lose all those precious minutes/hours/days in which he can play and enjoy, laugh and jump, doze off after play or even show his love for the kind human race and mute animals. my son taught me how selfish was i to keep all the pain and hurt in my heart and mind all through last year. i had best friends who didnt call me for their birthday parties and weddings, a really really close friend never told me she got a job and even left it, it hurts when your oldie besties you shared cuppa tea with everyday at college are far from you emotionally. initially when i get hurt i try to keep mum about it, then talk about it eventually but they refrain to talk because they want their peace and space. i was once very hurt when my best friend didnt pick up my calls on her birthday and didnt call me on mine just 3 days later.

nothing has to be black or white or gray even

the same has happened with my kid.. some of our very closest relatives haven’t called him on his birthday to wish, not that he understands anything yet but he simply doesn’t care. i have been seriously very angry and upset about some people, some events and incidents in this past year and after all that i learned from my son i free myself from all that anguish and anger, pain and hurt… TODAY ITSELF

I FREE MYSELF from all the anger i have for her, for regretting not telling my parents how much i have learned from them and how better a person i am because of them. i free myself from all those memos of guilt when i didn’t behave like a good mom should be, when i shouted at my child because i couldn’t cope up with my own emotional upheavals. because i could not handle him for the 22 month old that he is.

let there be light

let it all go… let me just live the way D does- carefree, loving, and forgiving! i want to embrace the world and its beautiful things. i want to tell my loves ones and my best friends what they mean to me. my son has taught me a lot more than what just motherhood should be like. he helps me to be a better person every day. i hope some day he reads this and realizes being a parent is not as easy as being a child is. and “thank you my son” for you showed me what self help books don’t. i shall try to be like you and be a good example for who you should be like when you become a parent yourself. (wow! ain’t i talking about something way too far for ??)

“heal the world, make it a better place… for you and for me and the entire human race!”
-Micheal Jackson.

love,
Kunj

A woman says

A mom, A wife, A daughter, A friend

Tag Archive | love

why i dont need a valentine

what I have learned